I still believe the majority of the human race is good even though my life has been touched by two cold blooded, murdering bastards.
There is an old murder case from my home town in IL that has been brought to the public eye again and that stirs up old feelings. I hung out with this person for a short time when I was a teen, enough to acquire a healthy fear of hm. I consider myself very lucky to be here today. I read about this case and it really brings back my own feelings of losing some one I loved to murder.
I'll start with the story of my brother. My brother was a victim of murder. (The brother I mentioned in my blog entitled "background") He was killed by someone who he gave a job to. He had a small business with 3 employees. He didn't have the resources or the time to do background checks. It turns out that this person had only been out of prison for three weeks. Unknown to my brother, he had served 23 years for murdering a woman when he was only 17. He had killed her in the same manor in which he killed my brother. He hit him from behind with a machete and kept hitting him till parts of his skull was missing. It's so hard to look at coroners reports that detail how death occurred, not to mention the things that happen after death. He only got a total of 13 years for my brothers murder because they couldn't prove premeditation for murder one so they went with 2nd degree murder and got an additional 19 years for fraudulent and felonious use of credit cards. Yes, he got more time for the credit card charges than for murder and could get out to kill again. Hopefully he will die in prison. I never believed in the death penalty before but some people are just not capable of being rehabilitated and for those, I believe in it. That is so long as there is proof positive they did it. And for all of you who would judge me for that, go through what I've been through and tell me you still feel the same.
My thought was that people who do these acts have to be sick and need help, after all who in there right mind could do this? After reading the reports on the girls and the young woman that was killed in my home town and comparing certain facts, I believe both killers knew right from wrong and that they knew they had done wrong because they both tried to cover the bodies. They are just evil, unfeeling, cowardly, monsters, only concerned with not getting caught.
People like me who have lost loved ones to murder go through a feeling of silent and private mourning all over again every time they see a movie with murder, read articles of other murders or hear about them on the news. It never goes away. They lay awake at night and wonder about what could have been. Believe me, it takes up a lot of your thoughts. You keep allot of your thoughts private. I think about that bike trip that never happened, or wish he could have seen how well my son, who he helped mentor turned out. I wish he could have seen my grand kids. He was the person I could always count on for unconditional love and the person who was there for me in the middle of the night when I became a victim and ironically taught us to help each other through loosing him.
You avoid talking to the curiosity seekers and the ones who can't possibly understand. It's different to loose someone to murder. I have lost both parents and a sister to heart disease, a brother to cancer and a brother to an aneurysm. It's different to loose someone to murder. You go through life knowing that we all die and you are prepared to a certain point to loose people to natural death. When some one brutally kills some one you love so deeply there is no preparation for that.
Now for this person who raped and killed young girls. I met him just before I started driving. I met him at a Friends house while skipping school. He had just dropped out not long before. I started skipping school more often and hanging out with him. One day while I was with him near a lake, he picked me up and threatened to toss me into the lake. I was able to talk him out of it by telling him I couldn't swim. I wasn't sure if he was just teasing me to scare me or if he really meant it.
When I started driving he would call me and ask me to hangout. I had dropped out and was working full time by this time and had no time for that, plus I was a little bit scared of him. One day he came to my place of employment and asked to borrow my car. I refused and he came up with this story about how he had been kicked out and had all his belongings hidden in a Field and needed a car to get them to his parents house before someone stole them. he had a way of making you believe him and a way of talking you into things. I left work and took him to where he said he left his stuff and he started yelling at me to hurry up and open the trunk. He went into the weeds and brought out a stereo system and some other electronic stuff. The next thing I knew he had been arrested for burglary. I never saw him after that. I met my ex husband and we moved. I don't know if he ever tried to find me after he got out of jail or not.
A few years later, a friend of mine was telling me about his arrest for raping and killing a 7 year old girl. She said he raped her too but he got off on that. I can't remember now why he got away with raping my friend, I don't think she had enough proof, but I do believed her story. I came close to being in her situation but I was able to think up a story to get him to stop.
I feel so bad for the families of the people who have lost loved ones at the hands of murdering scum like this. I know how I feel loosing someone very close to me but I can't even begin to guess the feeling of loosing a child, especially to senseless, cold blooded murder.
I sometimes I wonder if I would have been one of his victims if he had not been arrested for that burglary. He went from burglary to assault, then rape then rape and murder. What a sick bastard!
I thank god I am a strong person and have been able to deal with this. As hard as it's been to loose so many, God's really looked out for me on this one. I have my bad days but I always get through it.
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